Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Hair gel and croquet

At the risk of you thinking that I'm a flaming homosexual who checks out guys, here are a few musings on some of my colleagues in IFC.

Pi Kapp: Do you have black gelled hair? Are you from Miami or Long Island? Do you enjoy cutting perfectly good sleeves off of t-shirts to show off your extraordinary biceps? Are girls in sundresses banned from stepping foot into your home? Is your girlfriend a Deepher? If you answered yes to those questions, you are probably an '07 (or '06, or '05, or '04...) Pi Kapp.

Theta Chi: I saw a pledge wearing what I suspected to be women's sunglasses. That's basically my only reason for putting them on this list. I guess this will teach their pledge trainer to do a little more training in the future - see how one bad seed can ruin it for everyone? I'm allowed to pull shit like that, because this is all based on my expert opinions, remember?

Phi Tau: They suck. Everyone already thinks this, but they all think no one else thinks it so they keep their mouths shut. Accept reality: most of them spike their hair a'la 6th grade, the majority look prepubescent and wear earrings, and distressed denim is an in-house mainstay. Yeah yeah, not all of them are into that shit, but a few clean cut guys in normal clothing are not going to make this house legit - sorry Phi Tau.

Phi Delt: Phi Delt is a respected fraternity...right? Wait, but who respects them? Phi Tau? Oh, yeah, that's because Phi Tau wants to BE Phi Delt. I have heartfelt sympathy for ATO having to be in such close proximity to these people.

Beta: What are you, a group of gay British aristocrats? Everyone can appreciate and enjoy an occasional game of croquet, but you are taking the "lawn games" thing too far. Listen, people are starting to talk - go play some golf, and maybe put on your shirts. I know you love tanning, but this is getting out of hand.

Monday, September 10, 2007

More pledge classes.

Chi Omega's pledge class is, you guessed it, a mixed bag. I know, you probably think I am running that phrase into the ground, and you might also be wondering how the vast majority of pledge classes this year run the gamut from hot to ugly. The answer to that question is for another time and post, but I think we can agree that this situation (mediocrity) is nothing if not predictable for Chi O. I saw this hot girl walk by and then I saw this ugly girl walk by. That pattern continued for a few days and, well, I think that says it all. They always have had and, it seems, always will have the good, the bad, and the ugly (but not that much ugly, just enough for me to feel it is my civic duty to point it out to you).

AOPi...I don't know. Some of these girls are so hot, and some of them are so disgustingly trashy. I mean most of them are a little trashy, but they are hot so it's forgivable on some level. I haven't hung out with them much, and I guess I don't really know what to say about them. They are unique in that almost none of them fit into the stereotypical-southern-sorority-girl box. I for one don't really admire that kind of uniqueness, and they're just not my kind of people. They should know that no matter what, they will always have friends in Pi Kapp and Pike, too bad one of those houses is off campus now due to date rape allegations and the other has quite the eyebrow wax and piercing infusion. In conclusion I admit that all of that above is slightly ridiculous and clearly I am unable to render anything resembling an objective opinion on this subject.

You know that girl who's alright looking (maybe even good looking) but really annoying, making it hard for you to decide whether you want to bother with her at all or just run for your life? Chances are that if you bothered with her you would later find that she is a member of Alpha Chi. Considering their subpar reputation - and also the pledge classes that supposedly better houses pulled in - they got more attractive girls than I would expect. However, here are two points to consider:
1. I would expect them to get maybe like 2 hot girls and
2. Alpha Chis are annoying, and it stands to reason that their pledges are cut from the same cloth. People bring in more of their own kind. That's how a shitty house is built.
I also heard this story one time about Alpha Chi paying for all their socials with Kappa Sigma and being completely insane, but that's irrelevant and maybe hearsay.

Please refer back to my description of how a shitty house is built. Now think of ADPi. They used to be a house full of hot southern girls and now they are, simply put, a house full of not-hot, fat southern girls. But they still wear pearls so I guess that counts for something. Oh wait, no it doesn't, because they are still fat. Alright, some of them are hot. It pained me to say that. But anyways, they are probably stupid, because they joined ADPi. When I was a freshman, things were different, and it was still one of the hot girl houses. It saddens me to see such a quick and steady decline. You want to know when I think they started to go downhill? Homecoming with Phi Tau was probably a good start - Heeeeey Tri Delt!

I am not posting on any more pledge classes. I think this is self-explanatory.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Pledge classes cont.

Theta: they're alright, I guess. From what I've seen on campus, I haven't been terribly impressed, but they don't make me want to gag, either. I guess they aren't really my personal taste. I wouldn't bring the vast majority of them home to meet my mother. Ultimately, they are like the much-less-hot version of Zeta. I hate to abuse this phrase, but they are a "mixed bag." There are some hot girls, some not hot girls. Thetas have something going for them beyond just being hot, though. You might already know what that something is. You know they will get drunk and hookup with you. I guess the nicer way of putting that would be that they "know how to party." Was that a secret I wasn't supposed to tell?

DZ's pledge class is pretty attractive...but no one is above reproach, and I have seen some uglies wearing DZ shirts. But not many. Overall I have been impressed with the caliber of the DZ pledges. The popularity of DZ has been increasing lately, I guess, but I don't really know with whom exactly. They are a hotter pledge class than KD. That should be saying something, because KD's pledge class should be hot just like on Wednesday you should be at Balls, but they aren't hot, really. So I guess DZ being better than them isn't really that special.

Pi Phi's pledge class is exactly what I would expect. I would expect to not be impressed. They are generally trashy, and that isn't very shocking when you consider the fact that most girls in Pi Phi are trashy. I know you can't expect all class all the time, especially not in this day and age of the South Florida invasion of our beloved school. Soon, my greatest fear will be recognized and all sorority girls will be wearing tights instead pants, with 80s-style cutoff sweatshirts. And 1.5 million bracelets. But I digress. Of course, most pledge classes have some classy girls, and I'm sure (I mean I hope) Pi Phi does too - I just haven't seen them.

KKG's pledge class is very solid. A lot of attractive girls. You may or may not have a hard time believing this. They are not all hot, but a lot of them are, and the ones that aren't are almost all very tolerable to look at. Of course there are a couple of ugly girls, but that isn't so terrible considering how some of the sororities that I thought I could count on failed me so miserably. Way to go KKG. You've exceeded my expectations, and one of only 2 sororities to do so.

Thoughts on some of the new pledge classes

Zeta has the hottest pledge class. Period. They had the hottest class last year too. They might be a little South Florida for some of your tastes, and hey, maybe they're a little trashier than you might like them to be, but they are still the prettiest girls. Zeta's only really good at looking hot, and once again, they passed with flying colors. Way to go, ladies.

Tri Delt's pledge class is, surprisingly, a mixed bag. Obviously they've been a mixed bag sorority for the past few years ever since moving into Georgia Seagle (you know, their "homegirl"), but wasn't this supposed to be their time to shine? After going millions of dollars in debt for that huge house? I thought girls cared about stuff like a big brand new house , but apparently, that didn't exactly deliver the results the Deltas were praying for this year. I've seen some pretty unattractive ladies sporting their new little sorority bags with the 3 triangles - granted, I've sen some hot ones too, but that's a given. Tri Delt is always gonna have a lot of hot girls. All I'm saying is they're getting to the point of no return, that point where they consistently have more than a few token uglies in every pledge class.

KD. Don't even get me started. Alright, but only because you are insisting - What. The. Hell. Happened. There? Is that a KD pledge, or is that some random GDI who accidentally showed up to KD on bid day and just put herself into the scheme? And multiply that last question times 15, because that's about how many times I wondered that to myself as I sat and watched them pass. I just don't know. This may sound harsh, but the best way to put the KD situation is this: it makes my head hurt, it makes me depressed, and I don't want to talk about it anymore.

And of course, DG. DG is always solid, and I think they are a close second to Zeta in attractiveness, but as always, they are going to have a wider appeal to the UF fraternity world, because they seem to have a higher standard of class. You know what I mean - you don't expect them to to show up to your late night wearing lingerie and a crown. I'm not saying that you would expect Zetas to do that. And I'm definitely not saying you would want hot girls to do that. No way.

More later.

Introduction and explanation

I don't presume to know everything about Greeks at UF; but I know a lot, probably more than most of you. That's because observing people, especially those in the elite inner circle that is the UF Greek system, is one of my favorite hobbies. I'm pretty honest about what I see, and as cliche as this may sound, it's been an observation of mine over the past few years that things aren't always what they seem to be here at the esteemed University of Florida.

I'm not trying to reinvent the wheel. We all know the established and accepted social hierarchy of Greek houses is largely based on the tangible elements that contribute to a house's prestige: members' physical attractiveness, willingness to get drunk and hookup post-social, and oh yeah, stuff like leadership and academics. The Greek social hierarchy, while largely accurate, is also partly bullshit. I said I was being honest, right?

Sometimes, a good reputation is deserved, but sometimes, as is so often the case lately at UF, it isn't. I'm not afraid to say it if I think a "top" sorority has a few more than their fair share of ugly girls, and on the flip side, there are a few sororities who continue to get a bad rep and probably don't always deserve it. And let's not forget those fraternities who have always been on the top rungs of the ladder, and yet lately, have been taking larger-than-usual numbers of douchebag-looking pledges. Is the pool of acceptable applicants shrinking? Is UF falling prey to an increasing number of South Floridians?

With Homecoming week (and, perhaps more importantly for those middling houses who are uncertain about their Homecoming '07 future, homecoming bids) fast approaching, I can't think of a better time to open this discussion and air some dirty laundry.

For obvious reasons, the only personal information you'll get from me is that i'm a senior at the University of Florida and am, as you've probably gathered, affiliated with a Greek organization.